Coin Dozer

I don’t go on a rant very often on here, but I utterly despise this app.  It represents the absolute worst of the mobile game market, and it manages this without really being a game at all.  From its rubbish concept to its shoddy quality, there’s absolutely nothing I can say is even remotely good about this “product”.  But first, here’s how I came to download this festering turd of a mobile app.

There may be harsh language ahead, so be warned.

I do have a few free mobile games that I enjoy.  Words With Friends is alright (although the power-ups kind of ruin the balance of the game), Dice Soccer City is pretty good fun, and World’s Biggest Picture Cross is not bad at all.  In fact I quite like the latter as I find pic-cross quite enjoyable as a puzzle type.  If you aren’t aware, pic-cross gives you a grid with numbers around the side telling you how many boxes in each row and column need to be filled to give you a picture.  They can be quite challenging, but they’re a nice, fun, and light puzzle for when you’ve got a spare few minutes.

World's Biggest Picture Cross
Time for some sweet pic cross. Can you guess what it is yet?

In World’s Biggest Picture Cross you have an image obscured by 400 puzzles, and you need to solve them to slowly uncover it.  You unlock the puzzles by spending tokens that slowly refill over time.  So far, so mobile.  If you want, you can redo puzzles you’ve already completed s, watch adverts, or play other games to get tokens more quickly.  Wanting to get some more puzzles unlocked to play here and there, I picked a random game from the offers, and that’s how Coin Dozer came to be on my phone.  Thanks for the tokens I guess.

Coin Dozer Tap Here
TAP HERE is pretty much the whole game. Well, that and GIMME MONEY!

Coin Dozer does not deserve to be called a game.  A game does not need challenge necessarily, but in my opinion it does need interaction and a goal of sorts.  This app has little of the former and none of the latter.  You know those machines that you put coins into so they push out more coins.  That’s what this is.  But the difference is that with the real machines, you can win actual money and maybe a couple of rubbish prizes whereas here you have absolutely no goal other than getting more coins to put into the machine to get more coins to pu…

Coin Dozer
I won a prize! What does it do? Fuck all!

That’s it.  There is absolutely no purpose to this other than to repeat the process until you run out of coins and need to wait for them to refill.  More annoying is that there are a ton of other systems in place that just serve to try to pad the game out.  You can get keys from the machine to open chests that give you power ups to repeat the process.  You can get prizes that increases your level that…well does nothing.  You can get puzzle pieces for no reason.  Honestly, the whole concept of this “game” makes me angry.  I’m not typing right now, I’m hitting the keys with barely hidden rage.

Coin Dozer
I opened a chest! What do the contents do? Fuck all!

This being a mobile game means we must have some of those sweet, sweet microtransactions to get more coins so you can continue to fill up the machine.  I don’t necessarily object to microtransactions in free games, but I feel nothing but revulsion for the ones presented here.  You can pay £1 for 50 coins which will last you all of 30 seconds.  Yes, those coins could get you more coins, but a pound will not last you more than a minute when playing this.  Further, adverts for the microtransactions will pop up at random, either at the sides of the display, or front and centre to take over the whole screen.  It’s constant milking of money for more coins, more premium currency, puzzle pices to drop sooner.  All this for what purpose?  What is the objective?  I genuinely can’t think of another game on any platform that has had any less of a reason to exist other than to hoover up money than this.

Coin dozer
What’s that? You’re in the middle of tapping to drop some coins? WELL HOW ABOUT AN ADVERT?!

I don’t swear often on here, but this is a piece of fucking shit, and I can’t believe it has the success that it does.  It has a 4.6/5 rating on the app store, and is ranked #1 in the casino catagory.  And there are even tons of different versions of the same thing!  From the same team!  How does this exist?!  People are free to enjoy whatever they want (assuming its legal!) but the developers of this should be ashamed of themselves.  At least Candy Crush and its ilk have the puzzle element to it, regardless of how fair it is.  This has nothing but my utter loathing.

Coin Dozer
Oh look, the same game with a pirate theme. And a ghost theme. Why are these not a timed thing in the main game?

Coin Dozer was developed by some people probably.  I didn’t play the game because this isn’t a game on my iPhone, and I recommend you burn any electronic device that comes into contact with this piece of garbage.  Still, thanks for the tokens though I suppose.


21 thoughts on “Coin Dozer

  1. You underestimate the power of mindless activity, I’ll bet some people play this game just to ignore the reality that is their life. That being said, wow that’s a shitty way to spend your time!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Whoa, I think this is the first time I’ve seen you legitimately angry at a game. You bring up an interesting point in that I have played a few games that probably wouldn’t be considered games in the classical sense, yet offered impeccable storytelling experiences to make up for it. This, on the other hand, seems only slightly more advanced than that weird bootleg Mario slot machine game from the late eighties. At least that “game” gave us the immortal line “PUSH START TO RICH”.

    Also “circus coins” sounds like a name a particularly lazy counterfeiter would come up with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Clown Coins would be far more apt I think!

      I haven’t heard of this Mario Slot Machine. I’m curious now and might have a little web search for it. The thing with story telling experiences is that there tends to be an objective. Whilst I probably wouldn’t classify kinetic novels as games, most “walking simulators” probably would fit the bill. They have interaction, although limited, and an objective to work towards for the character and player. I suppose the age old question of “What is a game?” is a hard one to answer though.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have one game on my phone. Potion explosion, based on the board game. I like the solitaire challenge of beating the AI. Another game I downloaded recently is the Hogwarts Mystery, which was total crap. It was a bummer, because I love Harry Potter. It’s free to play, but the play is all based around micro-transactions. Plus the “games” are just stupid. Attend a class and spend coins or points or whatever to continuously tap on the teacher to “learn”. Dumb.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I heard the Harry Potter one was appalling, with no actual game buying “tap the button to progress”. I don’t begrudge idle games, but I kind of want there to be a purpose to them.

      Like

  4. So what you’re saying is, we should all download this game! Haha! Seriously, it sounds awful… I can’t stand “games” like this at all. I’m not big on mobile games because sometimes it’s hard to sift through all the garbage just to find something decent!

    Liked by 1 person

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